


It's Our Paradise, And It's Our Warzone

by orphan_account



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Break Up, Drunk Sex, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, Spin the Bottle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:07:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21555979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: One drunken night can change everything, but only if you let it.
Relationships: Eddie Diaz/Shannon Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Abby Clark, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 60
Kudos: 346





	1. Chapter 1

“Aw come on!” Buck says with a loud laugh as Eddie laughs from right beside him. He’s currently munching on a bag of Cheetos, the vodka in his system making him a hungry drunk, which he will regret in the morning and Buck too for that matter. They are roommates after all, and best friends for that matter. Buck’s the one that’s going to have to watch his hangover and help him when he can. Mostly because Eddie has done the same for him on countless occasions, and on only on his hand can Buck count the amount of times he’s been able to repay the favour.

Eddie never lets go so to speak, he never gets drunk to the point where he forgets his own name. That’s always Buck, until now, until Eddie lost his father two weeks ago, and Buck and the others in their group managed to get him to come out. He went straight to the only hard liquor, the vodka like a bat out of hell. Buck would tell him to slow down, but what right does he has have after all the times he’s gotten shitfaced. Besides, it’s college, it’s what you’re supposed to do.

“You know the rules!” Maya points out, her mouth upturned in a smirk as Buck bites his lip and looks to his drunken best friend. They’re playing a stupid game of spin the bottle and now it’s somehow landed on Eddie when it was his turn which means they have to kiss. He has to kiss his best friend which is ridiculous because they’re both straight. That’s who they are. Friends, such good friends. There’s no way Eddie will-

Eddie puts the Cheetos on the ground and grabs Buck’s shirt. It’s tight and harsh but still somewhat gentle as he brings Buck’s lips to his own. He tastes like the cheap vodka Lisa managed to get, and the Cheetos he was eating, but it’s not a quick peck on the lips. It’s deep, tongue almost entering, and Buck can’t help but place his hands on Eddie’s jaw and shoulder, bringing him in even closer. Before he wants it to though, it’s over. Eddie has pulled away and the others are cheering. Someone else spins, but Buck is lost in Eddie.

He stares at him, his eyes light and carefree from the alcohol, but his lips, his smell, and all of him encase Buck. It brings him in and holds him close. Buck’s never thought this way about his best friend before, not really, sure there’s been a couple of guys where he thought maybe, but never Eddie. Never his best friend. God, shit, fuck. He’s hard.

~

“You take care of him.” Shannon says, her eyes sure and steady. She’s Eddie’s girlfriend, on and off. Sometimes they’re together and sometimes they’re not. Right now, they’re not, but they’re still good friends. Truth be told Buck always thought they were better off as friends. They seemed to fit better together that way.

“I will.” Buck promises as Shannon smiles and turns to leave with the other girls. Buck’s left holding his and Eddie’s door open, still lost in the kiss. He was drinking too but not as much as Eddie. Not enough to forget himself, to lose his inhibition, and then let go. He shuts the door and turns to Eddie.

“Time for bed.” Buck says with a smile as Eddie leans his back against his bed, eyes hazy staring up at Buck. He reaches out, and Buck thinking he wants him to help him up meets his hands, but that’s not what happens. Eddie pulls him down and Buck’s left sitting next to him. He’s left close to him, smelling him, and thinking about that kiss. About how it left goosebumps on his skin and shivers up his spine. How he was so hard so fast, and how he never wanted to stop. He finds himself leaning in before he can stop himself. He thinks vaguely that Eddie is going to push him away, but instead his eyes shift and change. He leans up and in- and- and

“Fuck.” Buck whispers as Eddie’s hands wrap around the back of his head, bringing him in. He tastes the vodka and it startles him. Reminds him that Eddie is drunk. “Eddie- Eddie, wait- wait you’re drunk.”

He pulls away and Eddie’s eyes are wide, more sober than the whole night as he whispers, “Jodidamente bésame.”

Buck’s eyes grow wide. He doesn’t know much Spanish but he knows this. He’s heard Eddie say it to Shannon a hundred time, and every time afterward Shannon would kiss. Kiss him sweetly and gently, but Buck isn’t gentle and this isn’t sweet. This is lust and need, and underlining love that it’s been boiling to the surface for so long that neither even bats an eyelash at it anymore. Buck’s hands are on Eddie and Eddie’s are on his, their lips clashing together and bodies meshing together to form one.

Eddie’s fingernails scrape along Buck’s back as he pulls his shirt up and off. They stand making their way to the bed as Buck scrambles to get Eddie’s shirt off too, lips not leaving each other’s for long before their back. Back onto each other, kissing and biting, and sucking like their lives depend on it. All the tension rising to the surface and coming out in gripped touches and sharp tugs.

~

“What the hell happened!?” Eddie yells, forcing Buck to open his eyes and look up at a frantic Eddie, pulling his clothes on quickly. Clothes that are thrown every which way. The sun creeping in from the closed curtains of their dorm room telling Buck that it’s morning. The morning after- after…

“Eddie…” Buck tries but Eddie is already cutting him off.

“No.” Eddie says quickly, finger pointing at Buck, harsh and shaking. “This never happened. This- Don’t tell anyone Buck, please.”

His last words come out broken, afraid, and Buck is already nodding his head agreeing because he could never stand to see Eddie hurt in any way. “I won’t.” He promises next. “Eddie, it’s okay, it-”

“I need to see Shannon.” He says quickly, his eyes still panicked as he opens the door and rushes out, leaving Buck with a rock in his chest.

~

“Hey.” Buck says awkwardly later that day as Eddie finally steps in, coming home at last. Well, coming back to their dorm, but it is sort of home for them. For Buck anyway who’s never really had a real one. A sane one.

“Hey.” Eddie says, his eyes avoiding Buck’s.

“Eddie-” Buck tries again as he stands up, hand held out for Eddie, but Eddie is already shaking him off. Arms crossed over his chest, eyes lost and- and something’s wrong. “Eddie?”

“Shannon’s pregnant.”

Eddie’s eyes finally meet Buck’s, and it all comes crashing down.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. So this- whatever happened last night, it didn’t, okay?”

Buck nods, and pretends things are normal for the rest of the week until he gets everything in order. Until he breaks out of tuition and his room, and fucking runs. He leaves, he leaves Eddie, and his studies, his degree. He runs. He runs because- because fuck. He’s been in love with Eddie since the first day they met, and last night that night together was the best night of his life, even if for Eddie it was the worst.

He runs and he never looks back until- until-

~

One year later Eddie marries Shannon and joins the military. Four years later Shannon leaves. Eight years later Eddie is discharged and he becomes a recruit at a firehouse. A firehouse where a familiar face works too.

“Eddie?”

“Buck?”


	2. That's My Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got SO MANY COMMENTS to write more, and I wasn't going to. It was supposed to be a one shot, but all of you're comments were so nice. SO THANK YOU SO MUCH, and this is for all of you. Enjoy. :)

_“I’ve moved on.” Buck says gently, but still somewhat unsure. The awkward tense silence between them rises to impossible levels. They’ve never openly talked about this. Not since Eddie came crashing back into his life. “Her name’s Abby, we’re happy.”_

_Eddie nods. “I’m happy for you, Buck.”_

_Buck smiles. “Good. Friends?”_

_He holds out his hand and Eddie hesitates but then gives in, his hand coming out and taking Buck’s. They shake on it, but it’s gentle, lingering. Something more right there but both ignore it and instead let their new boundaries fill them both up. Friends. Co-workers. Friends._

~

“Abby- Abby, just hold on.” Buck says frantically as Abby walks with her suitcase to the front door of their apartment in quick even footfalls. She’s pushed all of her emotions to one side, and is trying to get out of here as fast as possible, but she can’t leave. She can’t just drop a bomb like that and disappear, watching it explode from a distance. A distance that makes it possible not to watch at all. It’s unfair. It’s not right. He can’t lose her. He needs her.

“No, Buck, I have to go.” She says, her clear eyes turning to him, hands out and touching his arm, his shoulder gently. “I’m sorry, but we’re not- this isn’t going to work out.”

“What are you talking about?”

Her eyes grow even sadder. “I see the way that you look at him, Buck, I know, okay? I know.”

Buck is already shaking his head. “No, no I told you! It was one drunken night! Almost ten years ago! It means nothing, he means nothing. You- You are everything. You’re my- We’ve talked about having kids.”

She smiles, painfully now, her hands leaving him as she tells him gently, “You love him. You’re in love with him. You might love me, but it’s not- it doesn’t compare. And frankly, I deserve someone who sees me the way you see him.”

Buck’s left with his mouth open, not believing what he’s hearing, and yet not able to respond. Not knowing how to. Not-

“Goodbye, Buck.” She kisses his cheek and is gone.

~

He hasn’t been in to work for three days. He went to the liquor store and bought three bottles of whiskey, five packs of beer, and then to the grocer’s to buy five frozen pizzas. He was good for a week. A week off, time he hasn’t taken ever. He doesn’t miss work, not even if he’s sick. His job is his life, aside from Abby- aside from- He takes the time. Bobby tells him to feel better, his words understanding and a little concerned. Buck assures he just needs a week, but even he doesn’t believe his own words. He’s going to need a whole lot more than a week, especially when the reason she’s gone is in his face day in and day out.

“Buck!” A voice yells and Buck is tipsy despite it only being six, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything anymore. “Open the door!”

He knows who it is, he could pick out the voice in a crowd, and he shouldn’t answer it. He should ignore him and keep on drinking this fireball, but if he does that he’ll call Maddie. She’ll come over with the spare key he foolishly gave her and force the door open. They’ll come in and see the disaster and she won’t leave. He needs her not to be here right now though. He needs to be alone, because he’s always going to be alone.

Abby, god it hurt just to think her name, but she was right. He loves him more than he ever loved her, and that hurts. That fucking hurts because they had a future, and him and Eddie? They’ve got nothing. A stupid friendship that isn’t real. Isn’t deep. Nothing. Nothing at all, and fuck why did he hurt her? Why did he do this? Why did Eddie?

“I’m FINE!!” He yells.

“Open the door.” Eddie says again and this time it’s not a question, it’s an order. It reminds Buck of the time when he locked himself in their bathroom in college. He cut himself, long and deep. Eddie demanded the door be open and Buck couldn’t deny him. He came in angry and concerned. He soften when he saw the blood, the panic pushed aside so that he could help. Heal. Love.

Buck opens the door.

Eddie’s eyes turn into confusion and concern as he shuts the door behind him and takes in Buck’s appearance. Buck knows he doesn’t look good, and the drink in hand probably doesn’t help matters. Despite it all though, he won’t feel shame for this. He won’t put his head down. Not after everything.

“What do you want, Eddie?” He asks and yeah maybe he almost trips over his own feet, but he’s fine.

“I was worried.” Eddie says sternly. “We all are.”

Buck smiles bitterly at that. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not, Buck.” Eddie insists as he takes a step forward. “I know you, remember? So you’re girlfriend broke up with you. It’s not the end of the world.”

Buck doesn’t say anything, his eyes sad, filling with tears and sniffles. Eddie takes another step forward but Buck is already taking one back. “Please, get out.”

Eddie’s eyes turn confused and a little angry. “I thought we were friends. Let me help you.”

“Like you helped my relationship?” Buck bites back.

Eddie’s confusion grows. “What are you talking about?”

“YOU! I’m talking about you, Eddie!” Buck points his fingers at Eddie’s chest, tapping on him forcefully with his anger. “Because you’re here!”

Buck’s finger turns to himself, to his own chest- to his heart. “You’re here. All the time, and she deserves better. That’s why she left me. Because of you. Because you’re here all the fucking time.”

An indescribable expression appears on Eddie’s face. His eyes go from Buck’s tearful and angry gaze to the bottle in his hand. Before Buck can hazard a guess as to what he’s going to do, Eddie is reaching out for the whiskey. He takes it in his hand and brings it to his lips. He takes a large swing, and doesn’t even cough it up. Buck’s eyebrows raise at that, but then he’s taking another sip and another until- until-

Eddie is kissing him. His lips burn with the alcohol and with the need. Hands grip onto Buck’s shoulders, onto his hip, bruising and unforgiving. They bring him in and keep him close. Lips tugging and nipping onto Buck’s. Buck takes only a second to bite back. His hand moving up, all over Eddie until he’s gripping his hair. Pushing him in. Eddie pushing back until Buck is against the wall. His head bangs and he’s going to feel that in the morning just as he’s going to feel the bruise Eddie kisses and bites down to leave on his neck. But it’s good bruise. It’s a good kind of pain.

“Ed- Eddie.” Buck tries to say.

“Stop talking.” Eddie growls, and wisely, Buck listens.

Somehow they make it to the couch.

~

“You can stay.” Buck says when it's all over and done with, Eddie now getting dressed to leave. 

Eddie pauses at Buck's words before turning around and saying, “Why should I? You never did.”


	3. As Long As We're Going Down...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY OKAY. A third installment, but I think this is the end for real this time. :D Thank you for all of the lovely comments, they mean a lot to me.

_He thought he was special. He thought he meant something to Buck, but then Buck was out giving it to anyone and everyone he could lay his eyes on. Eddie had no choice but to watch him go. Dancing with every girl that he could find. They’d move their bodies to the music under the darkening lights and rhythmic music. There feet tapping with the others, Buck’s hand on her waist and her’s on his shoulder. Buck always managed to find the ones who actually know how to dance. He loves to dance. He learned in high school in a play set in the 50’s. He learned the fox trot among other things and he never wasted an opportunity to showcase it. Even if it was a college party where most of the music is mindless beats._

_Eddie watches him. He can’t help but watch him, even when Shannon would come out, hand on his hip and smile in her lips. She’s anxious and nervous, and leans on Eddie more than ever. Eddie’s there, always, but in his head, in his heart. It’s Buck. It’s his lips, his hips, and his hands. Dios, what those hands can do. Eddie can’t help but watch him. Moving from side to side, his chest fluttering as he remembers the way Buck’s hands moved with his. The way his hips moved against his own._

_Buck taught him how to dance. Eddie had to go to a wedding and he had no clue, but Buck was patient and kind. He let him lead and show how to give a woman a good time when it came to the dance floor. He got him ready for the wedding and when Shannon couldn’t make it Eddie almost asked Buck to come with him, but that would have been strange, and he doesn’t need the questions or lingering gazes, so went alone, and he danced but it wasn’t the same as when he danced with Buck. Nothing is the same without Buck._

_~_

_“You’re going out again?” Eddie asks as Buck gels back his hair and fixes his shirt. He’s got a dress shirt on and a denim jacket over top. It’s light blue, bringing out his eyes startlingly well. When Eddie asks him the question he looks up into the mirror, staring at Eddie’s reflection and giving him a wink. Eddie doesn’t blush but he doesn’t bite at his lip, looking down and trying not think about the other night. It’s been two days and he’s still not over it. He still thinks about it constantly, but luckily Buck doesn’t mention it again. In fact he acts like it never happened, but something is bothering him. Eddie knows that much. He always knows. They’ve been friends too long not to._

_“Yep.” Buck says as he reaches out for his wallet. “Why? You want to come with?”_

_Buck raises his eyebrows and Eddie almost says yes, but then he remember Shannon and the doctor’s appointment. He can’t go. He has to be there for her and their kid. Their baby. Even thinking it startles him and unnerves him. He’s not used to the idea of being a dad either, just as much as he’s not used to what happened with him and Buck. Not that he lets himself think about it._

_“I can’t.” Eddie says. “Shannon needs me.”_

_Hurt crosses in Buck’s eyes so quickly that Eddie’s not sure if it really happened because it’s gone as fast as it came. Now he’s smiling as he says, “See you around.”_

_That’s something he says to their other friends. To their group, never to Eddie because- because he always comes back to the dorm. He always comes back or calls him, even if he is off his head on whiskey or rum. He always comes back. It’s the one constant and sure thing Eddie has in his life, now more than ever. He feels his heart sink and before he question it or him, Buck’s gone._

_~_

_Eddie,_

_I wish you and Shan the best. I really do, but I can’t be here anymore to watch what happens next. Maybe I’ll see you around._

  * _Buck_



_Eddie stares at the small slip of paper with his stomach rolling around in disgust. In horror. In fucking pain. Buck’s drawers are empty. His duffle bag is gone, and at first Eddie just think that he’s moved out. That he’s switched rooms but when he goes to the student’s office, he’s not registered anymore. He’s dropped out. He’s gone. He’s left- He’s-_

_Not his._

~

“You’re drunk.” Buck says as calmly as he can when he’s faced with an unsteady Eddie. They’re on the streets outside a bar, and Eddie’s eyes are hazy. Unfocused. Lost.

“Jódete.” Eddie says, his face held out in defiance as he spits the words to Buck. Buck who is half holding him up against the brick wall.

“I’m taking you home.”

“Llévame a casa y cógeme.”

Buck shakes his head, not really understanding what Eddie is saying, but he hazards a guess when he answers with, “I’m not giving you any food, Eddie. You’ll be sick. Come on.”

~

As soon as they get through Buck’s door, Eddie reaches for him, bringing him in close and kissing the life out of him, but it’s sloppy and unclear. His coordination skills off from the alcohol, but it doesn’t matter either way because Buck is pulling away, moving him off of himself, even though his dick is telling him to do something else. Alert and at the ready, aching for Eddie. Wanting more. Wanting all of him but-

“You’re drunk.” Buck says again, and Eddie pouts. Buck purposely looks away from that and from him. His eyes on the ground as he whispers, “You’re always drunk.”

“Te deseo.” Eddie says it with conviction, his feet taking careful steps towards Buck, hand held out, reaching. He touches Buck’s chin, his cheek, and moves him. Moves him so he’s looking at him as his other hand reaches lower.

“I failed Spanish, remember?” Buck says, voice low and needy, not wanting Eddie to stop but also needing him to because- because he needs this to be real. He needs Eddie to not be drunk every time they fuck. He needs Eddie to want this because he wants it. Not because of the booze, and not because he’s just horny. Buck wants him to want him. Buck wants more than a quick fuck, he- he wants love.

“I want you.” Eddie repeats in English, mouth inches from Buck’s now, eyes staring into Buck’s before turning to his lips. He goes for the kiss, but Buck ducks his head, forehead resting onto Eddie’s shoulder now, hands clutching at his hips.

“You were pissed at me, Eddie.” Buck says as calmly as he can, but the pain of Eddie’s rejection is still there, still stinging him.

“You left me.” Eddie says, his voice clearer, more sober.

“I didn’t want to.” Buck admits, head still resting on Eddie’s shoulder. “But you had Shannon. You had a kid. You didn’t need me.”

Eddie cups Buck’s face, bringing his head up so that he’s facing him now. Blue eyes on brown as Eddie tells him so seriously it almost hurts, “I always need you.”

_But do you love me?_

Buck kisses him, and Eddie makes sure this one is deeper than all of the other ones that came before.


End file.
